


vikingman

by ghostl0rd



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Binge Drinking, Bisexual Male Character, Crushes, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, M/M, Rare Pairings, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:17:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7290079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostl0rd/pseuds/ghostl0rd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noctis goes to college. </p><p>Noctis/Nyx.  Modern AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. (not) mere happenstance

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [vikingman（中文翻译）](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8253308) by [animamuto (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/animamuto)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Noctis makes a friend.  
> Kind of.

“At least it’s nice out,” Noctis muttered to himself as he staggered out into the burning sun and shut the door of Kappa Epsilon quietly behind him.  Head hurting like a motherfucker, he only managed to make it to the mailbox before another wave of vertigo had him quickly bending over and depositing a good eighty per cent of his insides into the nearby hedges.  It wasn’t the most auspicious of ways nor dignified of places to befriend a new face on campus, but that was what happened last week, and _that_ was why he recognized the low chuckle coming from a few, short footsteps behind him. 

Wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve, Noctis straightened and turned to Undercut—he hadn’t gotten his name; had relegated to nicknaming him ' _Undercut'_ because of his haircut—clutching an unopened bottle of water. As if it were a repeat of last week, that same bottle of water was offered out to Noctis.  He hesitated this time, suspicious of the smirk on the Undercut's face.

“You stalking me?” The smirk disappeared, Undercut’s eyebrows rising above the frames of his sunglasses, incredulous.  He began to retract his arm, the bottle beginning to follow, and Noctis quickly snatched it away before it was out of reach. 

Muttering his thanks, Noctis twisted off the cap and drank greedily.  In the corner of his eye Undercut reached into his pockets, producing a tiny bottle of asprin. Noctis caught it as it was tossed over, emptied two pills of the stuff into his palm and flushed them down with the remaining water.  He handed back the asprin and was heading over to the bin to chuck the now-emptied bottle of water when his savior finally spoke:

“Until next week, your highness.”

 _Next week?_ Noctis repeated to himself, insulted.  He turned back to give him a piece of his mind when he found Undercut was already walking, continuing in the opposite direction Noctis had been heading, onto the lawn of Kappa Epsilon, letting himself into the frat house. 

It was only after a sufficient enough period of time passed—marked by the rude drivers honking enthusiastically at him from the road—that Noctis realized three things: 1) that he was here, attending a university he’d chosen _specifically_ because it sat as far away from Lucis as geographically possible; under a fake name and in disguise which had _abjectly failed_ him 2) that he might possibly have a _frat_ _boy_ as a knight in shining armour and 3) that he was now going to have to make fast friends with said frat boy to keep him from betraying his whereabouts to the media.  

But first, breakfast.


	2. reinforcements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Prompto falls hard and fast, and Noctis uses the situation to his advantage.

Trying to track down a guy on campus with nothing else to go on except their hairstyle turned out to require significantly more effort than Noctis was prepared to invest.   Unluckily for Noctis, the boys of Kappa Epsilon were very mum on disclosing information about their own, politely requesting that he vacate their premises swiftly as there was an 'induction' (the term 'hazing' was deemed too aggressive according to the University Admins) 'ceremony' about to take place and outsiders were not welcome.  Noctis left, but not without imagining just what they had been planning on doing with a fog machine, blindfolds and paintball guns.  (And beer, but of course that was a given.)  

As he made the trek back to his flat—a good twenty minute walk from Kappa Epsilon-- it did occur to Noctis that he actually could have staked out the Kappa Epsilon headquarters (the bushes lining the driveway were thick enough to hide in) until his quarry—savior—possible blackmailer resurfaced, but again: energy he was not willing to expend. In hindsight, if he actually _had_ done that, it would have saved him more energy than casually asking people in his tutorial group if they knew anything about a Kappa Epsilon boy with an undercut.  

But that was hindsight, of course, and currently Noctis was ready to strangle something cute or fluffy (possibly both) because shaving the sides of one's head happened to be a popular choice of haircut among the student population.  

Prompto, who often caught up with Noctis at the bench beneath the hundred year-old paopu tree in the quad—when their differing schedules overlapped in breaks between classes—told Noctis he wasn’t trying hard enough. To Prompto's credit, Prompto _did_ know Noctis well enough to correctly guess Noctis had at the most, only asked three people about the frat boy (the group of guys from Kappa Epsilon who'd answered the door didn't count).  

"Now's not the time to be shy Noct," he’d said.  Noctis resented that. It wasn't that he was 'shy', far from it—he could handle people (in small amounts of course).  What Noctis  _couldn't_ handle— _stand_ , was the weird looks and subsequent questions he got every time he asked after Undercut.  He could have listed all this out to Prompto to disprove him, but that would be five minutes wasted. So, he skipped over the debate in his head and told Prompto instead that Prompto wasn't paying attention.   

Which, to Noctis' credit, Prompto really wasn't.  

Before Noctis had found him Prompto had been in the middle of ‘supposedly’ taking candid shots of the student population for the university website. ‘Supposedly’ being the operative term, because it was summer time. Noctis had been friends with Prompto long enough to know two things. The first, was that as part of the guy’s close-but-not-quite Ignis-level work ethic, the shots for the website would have been completed  _weeks_  ago. At a glance Prompto didn’t strike people as being particularly studious, but he was certainly no slouch.  The second, was that Prompto was a consummate skirt-chaser.  As far as the latter was concerned, the terms summer season and mini-skirt season were synonymous. Getting his attention required determination and tolerance one could only have amassed from years of practice. (Or prayer—Ignis frequently stared up at the heavens, asking God to give him strength.)

“Will you put that away?” Noctis snapped, “this is  _serious_.  He knows who I am.”

Prompto continued to squint through his camera’s viewfinder anyway, one bright blue eye scrunched tight.   _CLICK_ went the shutter, again and again. "Uh-huh. . . national security. . . media. . .frat boy. . . " 

_CLICK. CLICK._

“Prompto.” Noctis was really starting to regret getting him that zoom lens for Christmas.

_CLICK. CLICK._

“Ah denim, always a classic,” Prompto said.  Swooned, rather.  

_CLICK._

“ _Prompto_.”

Prompto sighed and finally lowered the camera, looking  _almost_  as annoyed as Noctis felt.  He covered the lens with a cap and tucked the camera back into his bag, finally giving Noctis' his full attention.  And not without retribution.  “Noct,  _full offense_ : wearing a wig and contacts doesn’t make you less recognizable.”

“Ignis didn’t recognize me,” Noctis pointed out.  Prompto snorted.

“Ignis didn’t have his glasses.”

Whatever, still counted. “Let’s just go back to the problem.  Ideas?”

Prompto’s eyebrows knitted hard for a few seconds before inspiration struck.  “I got it!”  He slammed his fist onto the tabletop, earning stares from passing students.  “Salire,” Prompto said. 

 “Salire?”  If Prompto was as pleased as he looked, then in the opposite respect, Noctis matched him bit for bit in his confusion.  

“The student newsletter, Noct?  The student newsletter that _I_  photograph for?” Prompto added, sighing at the blank look on Noctis’ face. “Ehh nevermind. Look, we have a kind of lost and found section for people trying to find other people and—” and that was as far as Prompto had gotten, because he had suddenly stilled, jaw going slack as he stared at something over Noctis’ shoulder in awe—“oh my God who is  _that_?” His tone was breathy, and worryingly reverent.  

Noctis turned a little in his seat and glanced over his shoulder and saw his flatmate Crowe—the one he saw more on campus than in their actual flat because she was gunning for honours.  Smirking, because he could now use the little information he knew about her to his advantage, he said, deliberately casual: “Oh, her.”

“What do you mean _'oh, her'_?" Prompto hissed, as though Noctis had said something blasphemous.  "You  _know_  her?” 

“Yeah?” The tone Noctis used had an unspoken ‘And?’ attached to it. . .

. . . which, Prompto obviously _heard_ , because he practically launched himself across the table in the next instant, grabbing Noctis by the collar.  His voice cracked at the edges.  “But  _you_  don’t even  _talk_  to girls!”

Noctis wasn’t sure which emphasized word to take more offense at, but he did finally have Prompto’s attention and the upper hand in this conversation now, so that was all that mattered.  He grinned conspiratorially back: “You want her number or not?” The look on Prompto’s face proved that it  _was_  possible for his jaw to drop even further:

“Hold up: you have her  _number_  too?  You guys are  _friends_?”  

Yeah, sure.  If by 'friends', Prompto meant the exchanging of numbers in the likely event that Noctis and his flatmates managed to lock themselves out of the flat at unholy hours of the night.  “Salire first,” said Noctis, and Prompto pouted. “ _Then_  I tell you what I know about her.”

Which was, _really,_ only her  _name_ , and that she liked mango yoghurt—the threatening messages scribbled on the cartons in the fridge were incredibly detailed and graphic—but Noctis would worry about that later. 

Right now, Prompto was sufficiently motivated and this was going to save him energy. 


	3. crush on campus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Salire proves the perfect medium in getting Undercut's attention.

**Salire, Issue 10, 2016, pg. 54-56.** **Crush on Campus**

 

 

> Dear Guy in the library every Thursday night.  
>  You are gorgeous.   
>  You always have a blue and white polo shirt.  
>  I appreciate a guy in a polo shirt.  
>  I will be in the same spot next week with my chocobo pencil case.  
>  You should come say hi........... ;)

 

 

> Stella.  
>  You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, you definitely have my head turning so much that  
>  I would drag my balls through 10 km of broken glass then dip them in hot sauce  
>  just to get her 2nd cousin's ex-boyfriend's mom's insurance agent's soccer partner to help me fight through  
>  2 km of piranha scrotum targeting rivers in Altissia just so I can get to an old man's sweatshop in Hammerhead   
>  that lives in a run down river shack who made the shoes of the guy who once served you at the supermarket's job  
>  just so I can have the chance to 'check' you out.

 

 

> To the guys who broke into Delta Psi's wash house Sunday night to do a beer bong (who I walked in on)  
>  youse seemed like pretty mint guys what are your numbers ? ;)

 

 

 

> To the girl wearing the beanie I saw at the 5-way intersection this morning,  
>  who turned to smile at me not once but 3 times,  
>  I'm so sorry I had to rush off to work!  
>  I wish I knew your name, I know this is a long shot, I don't even know if you'll read this,  
>  but I'll be there around the same time the next three days... I hope to see you there ;)

  

 

> To the tank ass guy running past the library every Wednesday rain or shine with no shirt, you are the real MVP (;

 

 

> To the brunette goddess I always see coming out of Shinra Block at midday.  
>  You are stunning, and I want to make beautiful babies with you.  
>  I assume you do med, but ironically you are breaking my heart as you dont know I exist.  
>  come heal me ;)

 

 

> To the guy who likes to belt out  
>  Too Much is Not Enough at 1AM in the quad  
>  But like, really off-key, like someone's just shoved a switchblade in your gut   
>  We based our psych group project on you and got top marks.  
>  Do you take requests?

 

 

> To the charitable person from Kappa Epsilon with the undercut  
>  (Who looks way too sober at ten AM for a frat guy.)  
>  I have two asprins and water with your name on it.  
>  Actually, I don't know your name.  
>  You know mine.   
> 

* * *

 

The exercise of chanting: 'for hearth and home' under his breath while he mentally prepared to knock on a door clearly marked DO NOT DISTURB in violent red lettering, had very little to offer in the way of calming one's nerves and inspiring confidence.  Case in point, when the door finally opened and Noctis found himself unexpectedly face-to-face with a very irritable-looking Crowe, he was very sure he’d broken the sound barrier at the speed which he’d—in a very clear voice, mind—blurted out Prompto’s request.

"Uhsothere'safreeconcerthappeningthisweekendyouwannagoimgivingoutfreetickets."

One hand came up to scratch idly at the back of her neck while she gave him a blank look. “There’s a… _what_?”

Noctis shoved his hand into his hoodie pocket and brought out one of the colourful square-shaped flyers Prompto had suckered him into handing out all day in exchange for getting the word out in Salire.  Not to mention insisted that the success rate of finding Undercut hinged on Crowe's attendance to the concert advertised on the flyer.  He stood awkwardly as Crowe perused it.

"Oh yeah, I think I might have heard about this from a friend," Crowe said. "This weekend, right?"

"Yeah.  You free?"

Crowe raised an eyebrow at him, scanning him from head to toe. "You asking me out, Noctis?"

"Uh, n-no," Noctis stammered. He shifted his weight uncomfortably.  "Just uh.  Getting the word out.  It's a favor--for a friend." 

"Shame," Crowe said, the smile on her face much too ambiguous for Noctis to take at facevalue.  

(In spite of that, Noctis found himself agreeing that it _was_ a shame.  See, Crowe was smart-- _super_ smart, especially if she was a med student-- _and_ hot; a killer combination to strive for in a potential life partner.  Maybe in an alternate universe where he _didn't_ know Prompto for as long as he did, and subsequently _didn't_ have loyalty weighing heavy on his conscience like it was, currently.   
Maybe.)

Crowe's attention was back to the flyer, mulling it over.  

"I've got an internal due on Monday, but I'm halfway through it…my friend's been on my case since I skipped going to their birthday in favor of studying."

"There's free beer," Noctis hinted. 

"I'll think it over. Thanks," Crowe added.  With a final farewell nod, her bedroom door closed in Noctis' face.

"That went well," Noctis told himself, making his way into the kitchen.

He was in the middle of making himself a coffee when the key turned in the lock.  A human-sized chocobo stumbled in and after much frustrated struggling, tossed its head onto the couch before collapsing face-first onto it.  

Pelna.  He occasionally moonlighted as the reserve university mascot when the actual guy got too hammered or hungover to perform--which Noctis thought was _way_ too often for a reserve because Pelna's was ALWAYS the voice he heard whenever the latter greeted students while in costume. And even knowing that, the sight of him staggering in at 2am-- in full attire--was still something to get used to.

Noctis perched on the edge of the couch and took a sip. 

"Was there a game on?" he asked. Noctis never attended--his schedule never allowed for it-- but it was always a great topic for small talk where Pelna was concerned. 

Pelna's initial reply was a series of grunts before he turned over, staring vacantly at the ceiling. 

"Volleyball with the Niflheim Valkyries." He smiled.  "We won--not by a lot, but a win's a win. Team really gave their all. Semi-finals are next week; playing the Celestials.  They're defending champions. You should come."

"I'll try." 

"That's Crowe's line," Pelna chuckled. 

"Didn't know they had volleyball ball games this late at night," Noctis remarked.  He took another sip.

"They don't," Pelna was rubbing his temples now, irritation returning. "Game finished hours ago, so I was celebrating with the team for a bit--grab drinks and food. I thought I'd cut through the shortcut behind Kappa Epsilon house on my way back."

"Bad idea?" Noctis guessed.

"The  _worst._ Those little shits were in the middle of beer pong when 'fearless leader' decided it would be a grand idea to play 'pin the tail feather on the chocobo'."

"You get away?"

"Duh." Pelna grinned, pointing proudly at himself.  "Captain of the track team in high school."

"Nice."

"Yeah.  If it were Tredd they definitely would have caught him.  Ever seen a pug run?"

"Not for very long," Noctis admitted with a laugh.

"That's the point, " Pelna said, laughing as well.  He went back to staring at the ceiling again, absently pulling a feather out of his hair.  "Still, it's a tradition to have the freshers of Kappa Epsilon chasing the school mascot."

"And failing?"

"Not usually,"  Pelna smiled. " _Sometimes_ there's usually free beer in it for the mascot if they play along, but Luche's one to hold a grudge so I decided not to chance it.  Luche's President of Kappa Epsilon.  You probably will have seen him around the Student Union building--he's the obnoxious blonde campaigning against discrimination against Galahad nationals in Lucis." Pelna added when Noctis was about to ask.

Noctis made sure to include going past the Student Union building in his walking route for next time.  "What kind of grudge?"

"Ancient history," Pelna yawned. He got to his feet and turned, facing his back to Noctis. "I used to be one of them.  A little help?"

Noctis unzipped him halfway, then stepped back as Pelna stepped out of costume.  True to his word, he had been wearing a faded Kappa Epsilon shirt underneath.  Noctis watched him head into the kitchen, sticking his head in the fridge.

"They let you keep that?"

"The shirt?" Pelna laughed.  "Nah I stole it--this is Luche's." He grinned, twisting open a bottle of water on his way back into the living room.  One of Crowe's yoghurts was tucked under his arm.  Noticing Noctis' apprehension he laughed and called out to her closed door.  "Crowe I'm stealing one of your yoghurts."

"Prick!" Crowe called back, but that was it. Noctis stared.

"We grew up in the same town," Pelna explained.  "Plus I've seen her naked."

"I've seen you too!" Crowe shot back. "And we were _five_ \--doesn't count!"

"See?" Pelna shrugged. He sculled the rest of the water then dropped heavily backward onto the couch. "Pass me the remote?"

Noctis tossed it over and sat in the empty chair beside him, settling in to watch.  He didn't have the stomach to sit through horror flicks, but Pelna might know something about Undercut, so this was a good a chance as any to do some sleuthing.  He waited till they'd cut to a commercial break before asking. 

"Hey, Pelna, you know how you said you used to be in Kappa Epsilon,"

Pelna, in the middle of shoving a spoonful of yoghurt into his mouth, gave him an odd look. "You're not thinking of joining are you?"

"Actually I'm trying to find someone," Noctis said.  Pelna shrugged and went back to eating. "I think he's from there, but the guys at the frat house aren't giving me any joy.  He's got an undercut and--"

"Noctis, _all_ the Kappa Epsilon guys have an undercut," Pelna laughed. "Well, in some variation of the style, or another.  Luche has it in his head that they're a military unit or something."

Damn it. 

"Your guy a fresher?" Pelna asked.

"Uh no, he looked a few years older."

"So...a second or third year."

"Maybe."

"Hmm," Pelna paused, teaspoon in his mouth, "I only know three--maybe four guys still in Kappa Epsilon including Luche." He scooped some more yoghurt.  "What's the deal; you got some kinda beef with this guy or--"

"No, they had some spare asprin and water on them when I was hungover a few weeks back.  Thought I'd return the favor."

Pelna's eyes widened a little, and then he was grinning.  "Asprin and water...I take it that was you in Salire, then."

"Yeah." Noctis admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well, I can't name names because I can't give out Kappa Epsilon secrets without getting sued by Luche, but if I know those guys, and I _do_ , then the guy you're after is definitely going to get back to you."

" _Come on_ ," Noctis laughed. "Who would I tell?"

"More like who would you be _traced back to_ ," Pelna said with a yawn. He set the empty yoghurt container and teaspoon onto the coffee table and stretched.  "Don't worry; just keep an eye on Salire.  He'll definitely get back to you.  He's a shit--likes messing with people."

"You speaking from experience?"

"Put it this way," Pelna winked, "I've seen _him_ naked, too."

* * *

 

**Salire, Issue 11, 2016, pg. 54-56.** **Crush on Campus**

 

 

> Hey Two Asprins and Water Guy,  
>  Two can keep a secret if  
>  one of us is dead.   
>  Sincerely,  
>  The *Hot* Charitable Person from Kappa Epsilon With the *Bitching* Undercut

Noctis scrunched up his copy of Salire and tossed it angrily into the bin, amid Prompto's laughter.

"This means war," he declared.


	4. aruarian dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Salire inadvertently plays host to the shitposting olympics, and everyone else is along for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Salire is released weekly. I'm just going off from my uni experience - our student mag/newsletter was always published weekly.
> 
> I don't follow an updating schedule, just update whenever inspiration hits and this wouldn't leave me alone lmao---anyways, yayur early chapter

**Salire, Issue 12, 2016, pg. 54-56.** **Crush on Campus**

 

 

 

> Heads up, Undercooked.    
>  Studies show that shaving one's head excessively  
>  increases the chance of premature thinning of the hairline.  
>  Sincerely,   
>  I Have a Bottle of Asprin, if This is Too Much Information For Your Primitive Brain to Handle.

 

**Salire, Issue 13, 2016, pg. 54-56. **Crush on Campus****

 

 

> It's spelt As(s)prin.  
>  Also that was uncalled for.   
>  What would your *father* say? (;  
>  Sincerely,   
>  The Ladies Ain't Complaining  
>   

****Salire, Issue 14, 2016, pg. 54-56. **Crush on Campus**** **

 

 

>    
>  My *father* would say that ladies   
>  NEVER complain about a guy--to his face.   
>  You know, in case he turns out to be a stalker or psychopath.  
>  Which I think you might be.  
>  Sincerely,  
>  Do You Not Have Female Friends to Explain this to You
> 
>  

******Salire, Issue 15, 2016, pg. 54-56. **Crush on Campus**** ** **

 

 

> Female friends.  
>  Pity, As(s)prin, if the two of us were to use our fingers  
>  to count all the women in our lives.  
>  Because then you would only need a stump.  
>  Sincerely,  
>  Aloe Vera Will Not Save You from that Burn (;

 

********Salire, Issue 16, 2016, pg. 54-56. **Crush on Campus**** ** ** **

 

 

> So you really are a stalker.  
>  I would be disappointed, Under _arm_ , if you don't already have my Socius No.   
>  Extremely disappointed indeed.  
>  Sincerely,   
>  Better a Stump than Chlamydia 

* * *

**Salire, Issue 22, 2016, pg. 57.  As Seen on the Interwebs**

 

 

> ********@Hotdogs5eva:******** My Mondays now consist of grabbing a hotdog AND a **@Salire** and tuning in to the Asprin-Undercut saga **#aspercut**
> 
> **@Blu_Magic: @Salire** I don't know who I was before **#aspercut #nowkiss #theUSTisREAL  
>  **
> 
> **@balthier32:** hey  **@Salire #aspercut** is a hoax, right? 
> 
> **@vierafran** : went shoe shopping the other day and overheard a group of HIGHSCHOOL kids talking about  **#aspercut @Salire**
> 
> **@hyperion:** what the hell is **#aspercut** ???
> 
> **@squallL:**   **#aspercut** is a hoax. that is all.   **#whatever**
> 
> **@nunchakgal** : **@squallL** shutuuuup omg  **#aspercut4eva #otp #aspercut**

 

* * *

 

**********Salire, Issue 22, 2016, pg. 33-34. **Dear Salire**** ** ** ** **

 

_Dear Salire,_

_I don't know if it's a hoax or not, but for the past few weeks I have momentarily rediscovered a happy place to distract me from the impending moot me and some mates need to do, and that happy place is: *drumroll* being thoroughly entertained by messers Asprin and Undercut in your Crush on Campus column. We tune in every week for updates on the two, and frequently find ourselves stalking various members of Kappa Epsilon in the hopes of pinning down these two passive aggressive ***expletive omitted***.  Just the other week we got into a heated debate on the authenticity of the messages sent back and forth. I really hope they aren't contrived, for then it would rob us of the meager ray of sunshine we've discovered in the cold abyss that is third year law.  _

_-Law Abiding Citizens_

_P.S. Is it too much to hope for names of the individuals involved?  Just to put faces to these names, the suspense is worse than waiting for our turn in the moot court. Honestlyyy...._

 

Hi Law Abiding Citizens,

I'm so stoked you're enjoying that section--don't worry, your ray of sunshine is safe: all correspondences between both parties are legit! And I agree! Our team has not been this entertained or motivated to get work done since the Anth Dean streaked the Celestials-Knights Semi-Final. 

All the best for your moot!

-Salire

 **Salire's note:** We can't reveal identities of the fellows involved, and we've also been informed by the President of Kappa Epsilon that trespassing of any kind will not go unpunished.  So please refrain. It's not worth sabotaging a prospective legal career over. 

 

_Dear Salire,_

_I would like to nominate Asprin and Undercut for Love is Blind._

_-Avid Shipper_

 

Hi Avid Shipper,

The nomination and seconding of said nomination need to come from Asprin's and Undercuts friends--as per the usual requirements for Love is Blind. I do appreciate your enthusiasm, though!

Who knows, perhaps Asprin's and Undercuts friends may rise to the challenge! *hint hint*

-Salire

 

 

 

* * *

**Salire, Issue 25, 2016, pg. 33-34.  Dear Salire**

 

 _I, Asprin, am not, nor would I_ ever _be interested in participating in Love is Blind._  
Especially as I already know that Underwhelming _is a real_ ***expletive omitted***  
_So it wouldn't really fulfill the requirement of a 'blind date', would it?_  
I mean if you paid me, it'd be a different story.

_Over and out._

_P.S. That was a joke. I wouldn't go on a date with that *****_ **expletive omitted*** _for all the gil in the world.  That money is better spent on creating cures for STDs._

 **Salire's note:** Presented without comment

 

* * *

 

**Salire, Issue 26, 2016, pg. 2. "Frat House Gets Behind Solaris Hospital Fundraiser"**

"Fraternity members of Kappa Epsilon over the weekend traded their books for sponges to contribute to Solaris Hospital's effort to fight Pelvic inflammatory disease.  

Pelvic inflammatory disease, also known as PID, is a little known sexually transmitted disease (STD) that is actually a complication of certain STDS...chlamydia and gonorrhea....blah blah blah.

Kappa Epsilon Vice President Nyx Ulric, said the crew decided to hold the car wash to fundraise and spread awareness of the STD because 'interacting with the community' was an important tenet of the Kappa Epsilon philosophy.'"

Noctis rolled his eyes, scrunched up the newsletter and tossed it across the room into the bin.  Pelna, who was sprawled on Noctis' bed like he owned it, chewing gummy worms, held out the packet to Noctis.

"Told you he was a shit," Pelna said, chuckling at the deadpan expression on Noctis' face.  "' _Interacting with the community_.' What an asshat.  Point to him for this round, though. That was _genius_."

Noctis grunted in reply, took three blue gummy worms, and threw himself back into his essay.  

 

 


	5. upskill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which, a calm before the storm

In between roasting (and getting roasted by) Nyx in Salire and keeping his grades above an A- average (to keep Regis convinced that Noctis hadn't been experiencing an existential crisis when he'd chosen Midgar Tech over his father's alma mater), Noctis worked two part-time jobs to pay rent. He bussed tables at Trance: the university's student cafe, and unpacked boxes for Nautilus, one of the major Department Stores in Midgar.  He'd wanted his university experience to be as close to 'normal' as dellusionally possible, and that meant saying no to a private, fully stocked and furnished apartment and a fervent  _hell no_ to having a Kingsglaive protecting him 24/8.  

(He couldn't get away with justifying taking out a student loan, though.  The Caelum family was affluent even without the crown (coal miners in his ancestors' day until they'd struck crystal) and Regis had rightly pointed out that there would be hell to pay if the Lucian populace ever discovered that their sweet, shy Crown Prince was actually a detestable cheapskate and freeloader benefiting from the blood, sweat and toil of taxpayers.)

"Concentrate, Noct" Ignis said, faintly amused while he observed Noctis from where Noctis' laptop was perched on the kitchen counter.  

A safe distance away from the laptop Noctis had set up an expresso machine (secondhand; used only once, its previous owner claimed) that Noctis had bought for cheap online.  Presently Noctis was doing his best absorb all the expertise Ignis had to offer on nailing the perfect rosetta, whilst refraining from the urge to hurl a mug at the nearest wall.  

"It shouldn't matter what it looks like," Noctis snapped.  

"You moved your whole arm again, didn't you?" 

"No." Noctis answered, pouring out the failed attempt down the sink and grabbing a clean mug.  He wiped the portafilter clean and started again.

"Slight movement of the wrist, Noct." Ignis reminded, while Noctis glared a hole through the new brew of expresso he'd just made.

"You said wiggle."

"I said slight movement of the--"

"Fuck!"

Ignis had the grace to disguise his laugh into a coughing fit in his sleeve.

"You said  _wiggle,_ " Noctis shot him a dirty look, "so I wiggled. I'm  _wiggling.  Have_ been wiggling for the _past seven hundred hours._ "  

The barista of Trance was going to be graduating in a few weeks time, and those few weeks was the only window Noctis had been given to master the craft before his supervisor decided to advertise.  The barista gig paid better so Noctis expected competition until he was reminded that his coworkers held down other part-time jobs elsewhere.   

Noctis, after painstakingly mastering the fundamentals of brewing expresso and steaming milk thought he'd been in the clear until his predecessor hinted that King (Noctis' boss--and no; after so many months together Noctis _still_ had no idea if that was a nickname or his actual name [though he found himself leaning toward the latter when he caught a glimpse of King's driver's licence]) would really be factoring in presentation when he made his decision.

("If you can do a decent rosetta you're in." "Rosetta? What's a rosetta?" "Okay, you know how people get hearts and shit drawn in their lattes?" "Seriously?" "Yeah. Yeah he likes those.") 

The only downside of landing the barista job was that Nyx was regular at Trance and becoming barista meant putting himself front and center in the crossfire. Nyx wasn't aware Noctis worked at Trance, purely because Noctis innocently timed his breaks for whenever he showed up.  

Already Noctis could envision nightmarish scenarios of Nyx becoming the customer from Hell.  One did not simply spend weeks shitting and one-upping another someone only to walk away from the golden opportunity to do it daily without any reprisal from the other someone.

"Oh _thank God_ , sounded like you guys were having sex in here," said Crowe, appearing beside Noctis in the kitchen in slipper boots and the cutest tonberry print nightshirt (that Noctis knew better than to comment on).  

She intercepted the mug before Noctis could empty it out and took a sip.  Then another, then another. It had to be a good sign that she had kept on sipping and at one point paused just to inhale the beverage with her eyes closed. 

"Erm," Ignis stated.

Noctis waved him into silence, waiting with bated breath. 6AM!Crowe when she was subhuman and just waking up was homicidally inclined at worst, and cantankerous at best, so the fact that she was actually _smiling_ had to mean he'd gotten _something_ right.  

Crowe opened her eyes again.

"What do you think?" Noctis asked.

"I think that job's in the bag--this coffee's amazing," she said.   "Also, you've got a real knack for drawing penises."

A thought, completely unbidden, hit Noctis and he grinned widely at her. 

"You're a genius, Crowe."

"Uh-huh. Now shutup and make me another coffee: I've got biochem to get through." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you can see where this is going haha. 
> 
> King is from FF Type-Zero. I like to sneak in cameos.
> 
> Trance is a reference from FFIX
> 
> Midgar Tech is short for Midgar Institute of Technology. Major reference to Shinra.
> 
> World War 3 to commence in the next chapter and yes, they will finally meet again ;)


	6. crema

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which; (inappropriate) latte art and (even more inappropriate) coffee table manner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small note on geography for this AU: think of all the separate final fantasy games as countries/continents e.g. ffx = Spira, ffxii = Ivalice etc  
> Noctis is in Gaia studying in Midgar City.
> 
> Cameos in here are at best name drops or one liners from other ff characters outside of XV. They have minimal to zero impact on the story so I'm not tagging their respective FFs.

"…so then he whipped it out and I swear it was like _this_ big." Tredd held out his hands to demonstrate to those gathered at the table. 

"Jesus, Furia," said Luche.  Beside Luche Nyx let out a low chuckle.  He was trying to build a tower out of sugar and salt packets.

"Yeah fuck off," Libertus scoffed.  "Noone's that big; not without surgery anyway."

"'at 'e sed," Sonitus agreed, through the mouthful of chocolate cake he'd stolen without any resistance from Axis.  Axis was too preoccupied with snickering at memes on his phone--as usual. He did, to his credit however; sense the others waiting on his input and gestured vaguely in Libertus' direction.

"You know the rule Teddy," Nyx yawned, pointing a salt packet at him.  

"Pics or it didn't happen; yeah, I got that covered, don't you worry," Tredd replied, though Nyx barely heard of course, already zeroing in on Yuffie who had arrived to set down a plate of sandwiches for them to share. He smiled winningly up at her.

"Still waiting on the time of day, Kisaragi."

"Aww get fucked Ulric," Yuffie replied sweetly, one hand over her heart. Leaning forward, she swept Nyx's salt-sugar tower all over his lap then left for the counter to grab their coffees. 

"Ha! Serves you right," said Libertus.

Nyx watched her go, shit-eating grin unfaltering in the slightest while he piled up the packets back onto the table, laying out the foundation for salt-sugar tower 2.0. "Someday, Libertus," he promised. "Someday."

"Just not today?" Libertus confirmed, chortling. 

"You know she's _gay_ , right?" Luche said.  

" _Bisexual_ ," Nyx corrected.  

" _And taken._ "

"Pfft. Now you're just lashing out."

"I'm not," Luche insisted.  "Come with me to Shinra Block and I'll introduce you.  She's President of the Krav Maga Club."

"Ooh I'll come!" Tredd snickered, eyes flashing with interest. He went ignored by the participants in the original conversation, of course.

"What; and in the meantime I get to harass other students with a megaphone and hand out info packets while I wait?" Nyx scoffed. "Nice try Luche.   _Pass._ "

"Oi.  Pics, you," Libertus reminded Tredd, expression smug. Tredd shrugged and started digging into his pant pockets for his phone.

"And those had better be today's minutes for this meeting," Luche added, expression severe as he regarded Axis.

Axis rolled his eyes, closed whatever it was he'd been looking at and held up his phone to show his handiwork.

"Oh so Yuffie's spelt with  _two_ 'F's, not one," said Nyx, who had been leaning a lot further forward than everyone else to inspect.  

Axis finally noticed his empty plate and set about elbowing Sonitus, gesturing angrily.

"Whatever. I was getting up anyway." Sonitus went to the counter to pay for a new slice.  

"Anyway, back to me," Tredd continued, when Sonitus finally returned. "Altius got the whole thing on her phone." He smartly deleted any important text messages and emails the group could tease him about, then passed the device around their table.

The video was of a drunk student mooning one of the campus police-- to distract the guy long enough for the rest of the herd to get away. Crowe, who'd been doing the recording, had gotten front row seats to the guy's frank and beans. Which; Nyx thought, were as enviably well-endowed as she'd claimed. Incidentally, the guy also had a great singing voice.

_"Toniiiiight. We are youuung. So I set the world on fiiiiire--OW! Jesus Mary Magdalene!"_

There was scattered laughter around their table: the guard had started hauling the guy, pants still around his ankles, into the golf cart.  Crowe's laughter was the last thing they heard before the clip ended.  Axis took Tredd's phone to bluetooth a copy and someone kicked Nyx under the table.

"That Pelna's flatmate's mate isn't it?" Sonitus said. "Pervert with the camera."

"Did you have to kick me? And yeah his name's Prompto," Nyx remembered. He smiled at Libertus, the only one sitting tight-lipped across from him. He couldn't resist teasing. "Pelna says he's got a _huge_ thing for her."

"You can say that again," Tredd quipped.

Nyx coughed into his arm, avoiding Libertus' gaze as it turned deadly.

"Anyway, it's not like she doesn't have a type." Luche chimed in. "Remember that guy from Eblan?"

Quiet murmurs of assent within the group. (Minus Libertus, of course.)

"Oh yeah, funny fucker wasn't he?" Tredd smiled fondly.

" _Altius_ seemed to think so." Nyx agreed.  Again; still electing to ignore the waves of disapproval floating over from Libertus' corner.

" _And_ he wasn't anything special in the looks department, too." Luche added.

Yuffie returned then, passing out their coffees.  Nyx said nothing; simply smiled at her until she was gone again.  She tossed a salt packet at his head, but of course he didn't notice.

"Speak for yourself," said Tredd eventually. "Geraldine was _hot_." 

"It's not always about looks, though.  The thing about women," Axis stated, choosing to forget his phone for the moment, "is that if you can make them laugh it doesn't matter if you have Satan's buttcrack for a face: you're instantly a hundred times more attractive to them."

"Though being ordained by the penis gods doesn't hurt either," Tredd added.  

"Hear, hear," said someone from a nearby table. Tredd reached over and clinked his mug with theirs. 

"Hey, is that the latest Salire?"  Tredd asked.

"Yeah. No Aspercut though." The guy said, sounding bummed. 

"You mind if I..."

"Yeah, nah go ahead."

"Cheers," said Tredd, turning back to their table to skim through it, coffee forgotten.

"It's not the size, but what you do with it that counts," Libertus muttered, but with an undercurrent of grudging that went unmissed by all at the table; least of all Tredd, who'd promptly grabbed him in a headlock.  

(Not that anyone else wouldn't have seized the opportunity, but Tredd had the unique advantage of possessing a fuck-all sense of self-preservation when it came to inciting the latter.)

"Aww. Still carrying a candle for 'little sis'?" Tredd teased. 

"Fuck up," Libertus growled, shoving him off. Sonitus snickered.

"I'm just saying what everyone's thinking." Tredd said, innocently holding up his hands in surrender.

"And I'm just telling you and everyone else here: fuck.  _up_."

"Pretty sure that's going to be Prompto's job." Tredd muttered.  

Enraged, Libertus grabbed him by the collar--

"Oh dear; looks like I've put my foot in my mouth again," Tredd replied dispassionately.

"I'll show _you foot in mouth_ \--"

"Knock it off!" Luche growled, reaching across the table and wrenching them apart before any fists could connect. He dropped back into his seat again. "It's bad enough that we've got _Ulric_ running around drawing atten--" --something abruptly caught Luche's eye and he stopped, staring at the mug sitting in front of Nyx. And then Nyx himself, after a fashion.

Tredd and Libertus also forgot that they were supposed to be on the verge of eviscerating each other and began howling with laughter.  Not two seconds later, Sonitus and Axis followed suit.

"What?" Nyx demanded. 

"Christ in a manger, Ulric." Luche pointed, trying to keep a straight face. " _What the fuck_ kind of latte did you order?"

Tredd curled an arm over Nyx's shoulder as Nyx finally looked down, signalling for Axis to take a photo.

"Say: Pickles and Eggs!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i lied about WW3. I just wanted to write the frat boys.
> 
> I suppose this is as good time as any to say that there will be a rating upgrade...eventually. Do people still use the term citrus?


	7. tit for tat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, a revelation and revenge.  
> And not necessarily for the same person.

Noctis was halfway to celebrating: in the middle of preparing to tip his baseball cap at Nyx when the latter stood and headed over to the counter, mug in tow, and an eerily calm expression on his face.  Well, there was a _smile_ , but on Nyx, who had no rational reason to be anything _but_ amicable, it naturally tended toward creepy.

"Better make yourself scarce!" Yuffie whispered, playfully nudging him on her way back to the till.   

Nyx took the stool right across from Noctis before he could even make his escape. In the background the other Kappas would have appeared lost in idle conversation if not for the fact that every few seconds a glance would be stolen in Noctis' general direction.  One Kappa, just returning from the bathroom, chose to forgo the pretense altogether, openly staring and smiling at Noctis. The corresponding chill running down Noctis' spine in response had the Lucian prince vaguely wondering if declining his father's suggestion of a bodyguard had been premature.  That was a smile reserved for serial killers.

 "Ayy Penis Prince!" The staring Kappa called.

"That's Tredd," Nyx said without checking over his shoulder, like it made the situation less awkward.  Nyx's face was a blur in Noctis' peripheral vision, but Noctis could tell he was smiling--he could hear it in the smugness of his voice. "If you go another twenty seconds without blinking he'll lose interest."

Twenty seconds later, Noctis could feel his eyes watering and Tredd's smirk had widened.

"He's not losing interest."

"He's not interested in losing.  I'll tell you what he _is_ interested in, though."

Nyx leaned close.  When he finally leaned back, Noctis had swiftly broken eye contact, blushing a deep red.  Tredd cracked up laughing, one of the other Kappa guys dragging him in to give him a noogie.

"You're a shit, you know that?" Noctis heard the noogie-giver say.

"Or maybe you're all too _easy_ ," Tredd shot back, breaking free and turning the tables on his fellow Kappa. He looked up at Nyx, who presently had his mug halfway to his lips.  "Ulric! What's your highest?"

"Thirty-two," Nyx answered, without turning.  He winked at Noctis, as if there was an inside joke to be shared between the two of them, and Tredd (who didn't see the wink and likely would have reacted differently as a result) swore.

"Language!" Noctis was sure from Pelna's stories that this was the Kappa President Luche, who proceeded to launch into a lecture about 'cussing' being the 'art of ignorance'--much to the groans of all the other Kappas in the vicinity. 

"Don't take Tredd too seriously; no one sane does. So. Promotion?" Inquired Nyx, commanding Noctis' attention front and center once more. 

"Something like that," Noctis said trying for cool, but coming off defensive. In Noctis' defense, he still didn't know if Nyx was still planning on blackmailing him. Pelna _did_ say Nyx was here on a scholarship, and it wasn't as if Midgar Tech cost peanuts to attend.  So Noctis could play at being civil, and 'civil' didn't necessarily equate playing 'nice'.

"Congrats," Nyx offered.

"Um. Thanks." Noctis responded awkwardly.  And then, because he didn't want Nyx to leave the conversation thinking the heir of the Lucis dynasty was as bright as custard, Noctis added, "I uh bought a secondhand one online to practice a bit."

"You must be Crowe's favorite person right now," Nyx chuckled.

"You know Crowe?" Crowe never mentioned anything about Nyx. Pelna he could understand from the old Kappa connection, but aloof and lowkey murderous Crowe who was at times the anti-thesis of human connection?   _That_ same Crowe?

"Everyone who's ever walked in the vicinity of Shinra block knows Crowe," Nyx chuckled, amused at Noctis' befuddled expression. "But yeah we go way back.  I've seen her naked."

"You and Pelna both," Noctis said, without thinking.  Nyx's eyebrows rose.  Noctis quickly tried to backtrack. "Um-"

"Ahh well," Nyx's grin spread a little wider, taking it in stride.  "I've seen _him_ naked too."

Again, with the naked thing.  "You guys are weird," Noctis stated.  Nyx shrugged and took a long sip of his latte in answer. Noctis figured he might as well cut to the chase.  "Are you going to tell me how you know who I am?"

"You mean," Nyx was smiling, "aside from the fact that you're enrolled as Noctis _Ul_ cisci _La_ cem?"

Goddamnit. "I was going for: hiding in plain-"

"-- _and_ that you look exactly like your old man with that beard on your face?" Nyx interjected.  "I mean, it's _impressive_ , don't get me wrong; but _you look like your old man_."

"Alright so _maybe_ I might have--"

" _\--and_ died your hair _brown_ but didn't actually think to change the _style_?"  Nyx added, somewhat gleefully.

"Um-"

"-- _and_ happen to be good friends with Prompto Argentum who is the best friend of the _actual_ Noctis Lucis--"

"Alright, you've made your point, shutup,"  Noctis snapped, openly glaring now. 

Nyx drained the last of his coffee and neatly deposited a crisp 100 gil note into the tip jar on the counter with a wink.

" _Milady_."

He was back at his table, laughing and jostling with his fellow Kappas before the synapses in Noctis' brain could properly string into coherent thought.

Which, when they finally _did_ , went a little something like this:

_Fuck this guy._


	8. quiz night pt. i

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, the beginning of an eventful night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~in which also: rare pair agendas~~

Pelna was flat on his back on his bedroom floor,  _Reconciling Narratives of the Zanarkand Massacre in Zanarkandian and Bevellian Textbooks_  spread open across his face when Crowe knocked and peered inside.  

“How’d the test go?”

The body on the floor gave a vague shrug.  

“Cool. Anyway.” Crowe planted herself in his desk chair and started munching on the half-eaten bag of gummy snakes beside his laptop. “So…you know how we tell people we're dating to get out of being asked out?"

“Mmhmmpghgh?”

“Yeah.  Code Orange.”

Pelna peeked out from under his book curiously. "Not Green?”

"Orange." Crowe confirmed. 

At that, he closed the textbook and set it aside, resting his hands on his chest. Thinking. Crowe picked out two blue ones—left the red for him because they were his favorite—and chewed.

"Is it Noct's friend?"

"Mm.  He's cute isn't he?" Crowe said in between bites. She picked out another blue gummy, pulling its head away from its body with her teeth.

"It's  _not_?" Pelna's eyes seemed to bug out.

"Got back together with the ex last week."

Pelna sat up, shuffling on the floor so he could lean against the edge of the bed. Crowe passed him the packet. “Damn.”

“Yep. He was too optimistic, anyway.”

“So when do you need me?"

Crowe sat up immediately, reading through the lines. She hit him on the arm—a thing she tended to do whenever she got excited, and she was rarely--if ever--gentle about it.

"You have a date."

"I wouldn’t call it  _that_ -'

"The one from POLS211?  It is, isn't it?" She hit him again and Pelna choked and sputtered on a gummy snake, nodding. "When? Where? What?  Sneaky son of a bitch you, holding out on me—"

“I wasn’t being sneaky, you’ve just been busy.  And I thought Nyx would’ve—”

“He's too busy hitting on Noctis.” said Crowe, waving it off impatiently. Their differing, not to mention hectic schedules had caused them to drift apart the past couple of months, but while he’d always made time to hang out, she always wound up rain-checking last minute. Then he told her he’d been chatting to a cute assistant lecturer from one of his classes, and she felt marginally less guilty for not being able to hang out. Ensuring his success with the assistant felt like a surefire way to getting their friendship back on track.  She’d missed out on so much already.  Plus, she was a kick-ass wingwoman.  “ _Details_. Go.”

"Tomorrow night at Trance. We’re defending our—"

"Fuck." said Crowe, slouching back into his chair.

Pelna stared. He'd known her well and long enough to never require any context.  

"You're kidding."

"Uh, yeah. _Not_ kidding and I need you."

"What happened?"

Crowe rolled her eyes and did her best impression of whiny, entitled male. "'Oh that's weird, I've never seen  _you_  there.'"

"And so you told him…" Pelna picked out a blue gummy and tentatively bit into it, making a face. Crowe snatched it off him.

"I told you to leave _me_ the blue ones.” She chewed vengefully and continued with her story. “So I told him, 'Oh it's my _boyfriend_ who's actually into it.’ And he goes, ‘is he any good?’ but in a super condescending voice, so of  _course—”_

“—you told him my team’s name.” Pelna finished, sighing. 

“ _And_ that you could quiz circles around him.” Crowe added.

“Oh my God, _Crowe_ —”

“It’s not bragging if it’s true!  You guys win all the time don’t you?”

Pelna brandished a purple gummy at her indignantly.  “How do you even know that—you’ve never even _seen_  us—”

“Well,  _yeah_.  I hate Quiz Night.  Whatever, just lay waste to him if you see him—”

“—whoa whoa wait a minute, what do you mean ‘if you see him’—you're coming too. Code Orange, remember?"

"And POLS211?" said Crowe. "I stalked her social media. She's gorgeous."

Pelna rubbed his eyes.  "Eh, the invite was worded along the lines of 'you can tag along if you want', so technically still platonic. And you're my best friend, shut up." He added before she could protest. Crowe squeezed his shoulder and stood. 

"Thanks.  I owe you one."

"Quit saying that like we’re keeping score," said Pelna, and he calmly regressed back to the floor in the vegetative state she had found him in ten minutes earlier.

 

. . .

 

Noctis’ earliest experiences with anything game-show or trivia-related were more along the lines of unenthusiastic supporter and observer, when he and Prompto went to watch Iggy and Gladio at the Inter-School meets.  While he was impressed that they went undefeated during their run, he secretly felt that these things were always more of a competition to see who could hit the buzzer fastest, rather than a battle of wits.  Hard to tell which was worse: memorizing and yelling and then arguing about a bunch of useless facts with the mediator, or  _watching_ people memorize and yell and argue a bunch of useless facts with the mediator. 

Just, _awful._

Midgar Tech had a Quiz Night, hosted every Friday from 8PM till late by Trance.  Initially Noctis didn’t care too much about it: he was only on Day Shift and effectively wouldn’t have to suffer through it.  Or so he'd assumed right up until King put him on the Graveyard Shift as punishment for accidentally sending the Dean of Science a Nyx special. The Dean had vehemently protested, naturally but only once he heard his favorite student had also ‘fallen victim’ to such unprofessionalism.  At first, Noctis had been aghast—not because he was being punished (he knew the day would come), but because he had difficulty believing that _Nyx Ulric_ could be anyone's favourite  _anything_.  He would later find out from Pelna that the Dean also happened to be House Mother for Kappa Epsilon.   

Noctis had no issue with being on Graveyard Shift—it meant he got to keep his job—right up until King slapped a visor on his head labelled ‘All-Knowing-One’ and told him he would be mediating the animals filing through Trance’s doors.  The Kappa boys had a team too, apparently. They parked themselves at the back corner of the café, Nyx shaking his bomber jacket out with a flourish and draping it over the arms of his chair the moment Noctis caught his eye.

 _I’m in hell_ , Noctis decided.  He still had buzzers to hand out and team names to jot down, and really doubted the Kappas would give him anything less than a hard time.

If it wasn’t Yuffie’s voice, then it had to be the claw wrapped around his upper arm that brought him back to life. She was in the middle of pulling on black leather pumps: someone had nominated her for _Love is Blind_ and her date was a sullen, if not good-looking young man in a button-down that Noctis occasionally spotted sleeping under the Banora trees outside SHINRA block.

“It’ll be fun.” Yuffie insisted as Noctis helped her into her coat.  She turned and punched him encouragingly in the arm. “Just remember: you’re the boss.  You’ve got the hat!” 

 

. . .

 

Honestly. _Honestly_? Fuck the hat.

With the exception of Pelna’s presence Noctis with a capital ‘H’— _hated_ Quiz Night. Trance had a liquor licence and after a few, the patrons had regressed from calling him All-Knowing-One to  _Know-It-All_ , thanks largely in part to someone from team  _Malboros Are Hairy_ demanding a recount at the end of the History Round, to which Tredd took offense, pointing indignantly at the Malboros and declaring that Know-It-All overturn the suggestion, “because the ladies don’t call him ‘Quick Fingers’ Bellum for nothing!”.

Objectivity be damned, Noctis would have sided with the Malboros and thrown out Tredd’s suggestion (and to a greater extent Tredd himself) if not for the fact that the _entire_ café had erupted into jeers and wolf-whistles. He cleared his throat into the mic.

“All right, all right settle down! The team in the back—” Noctis started.

“You have to address us by _name_ , All-Knowing-One,” Nyx called pompously. “You did that for _Malboros Are Hairy._ If you’re not gonna be objective, at least be _consistent_!”

“Hear, hear!” called the Malboro Captain, ‘incidentally’ sitting with Sonitus' arm draped casually over the backrest of her chair.

Noctis kept his gaze fixed stoically ahead on the back wall, and his voice cheerful.  “There will be no recount. The winners for this round are _My Mates in the Back_ —”

“At least he’s consistent in _not_ being objective!” Nyx whispered loudly to the other tables, earning drunken, indignant calls for impeachment from the populace.  They started chanting, banging their fists on the tables.

"IM-PEACH-MENT! IM-PEACH-MENT!" (Nyx was yelling ‘AB-DI-CATE! AB-DI-CATE!’, the smartass.)

“Fuck Quiz Night.” Noctis muttered.  He was about to yell into the mic again to shut them up—he couldn't officially kick them out until midnight—when someone stopped him. 

“I got this,” said Crowe. 

And grinning somewhat maniacally, she held up an air horn and pressed the button on the top.

. . .

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ho hey so before xv came out i wrote this with crowe/prompto in mind because i thought they'd be cute, but then i watched kingsglaive and whoops now it's crowe/pelna for our side pairing. im a sucker for the fake dating trope. ~~more on that later~~
> 
> pelna's not sitting with the Kappas his team name i still have not decided on, but i am open to suggestions :) double entendres welcome, especially if they're FF references
> 
> yeah that was a *insert male ffvii character here* cameo. probably vincent or tseng - i ship yuffie with a lot of people


	9. versus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which, a change of direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you all saw this coming

The cover was a three-year graduate exchange program.  

Nyx Ulric had been the natural choice by merit of rank, experience, the fact that he had zero familial obligations and most importantly: the fact that he could be invisible. Unfortunately, the social calendar at the frat house where his handler had dumped him boasted an above average smattering of potlucks and mixers that made blending in difficult. It had very little to do with the fact that he detested forced social interaction and had, admittedly, become far too accustomed to long periods of quiet, staring down the end of a sniper scope to let anyone (or anything) pervade it for too long. 

Intimacy issues, the therapist used to say.

( _Used to_.)

Still, he wasn’t too bothered; he’d been issued assignments that had given him a lot less to work with– _Altissia, Lestallum, fucking Galdin_ –and had amassed enough experience and patient creativity to figure out workarounds as a result.  By the second month he’d calculated the perfect  _how_ and by the beginning of the fourth, was on his way to reporting back to his handler on the  _where_.

If Nyx thought he had invisibility down pat, then Titus Drautos was a ghost. There had been a small group of Avalanche activists canvassing the quad when he’d arrived–bright orange polo shirts and all–and Nyx had already figured out a route that he could use to avoid having to lie his way out of signing whatever petition they were lobbying when one of them hopped directly into his path. 

Nyx’s response had been automatic:

“Sorry bud, got a study group to–” he stopped just as his gaze reached their face, doing a double take. Drautos smiled.  Technically it was less of a smile– more of a display of white, sharp teeth.  

“In that case I’ll be brief.” said Drautos. He gave the thumbs up to the other activists watching them before herding Nyx over to a bench where they could talk with their backs to them, and out of earshot.  

“Thought you wanted to keep a low profile.” Nyx muttered, maneuvering his shoulder bag onto his lap.

“Noisy activists bothering busy college coeds is the lowest profile one  _can_ have.  There they are, in the loudest color imaginable and no one spares them a second glance.” Drautos scoffed.  "Not even if it’s for a good cause.“

Nyx snorted.  "Didn’t take you for an environmentalist.”

“I’m not–competition pays better.  That doesn’t mean I don’t respect their enthusiasm.” Drautos handed him a pamphlet explaining the pitfalls of Mako energy. 

Nyx pretended to peruse it.  

“There’s going to be a party in two weeks time,” he said.  "I can do it then.“

Drautos, still in character should there be any curious bystanders, reached and turned the page for Nyx. 

“Not yet.”

“You’re  _negotiating_?” Nyx frowned at the words on the page, as if they had suddenly morphed into a different language. “Doesn’t sound like you.”

“Whatever information a client gives us is at  _their_ discretion– _however_. Should the information they choose to  _withhold_ have an influence on world events, that by default influences the  _price_ , then its simply a matter of  _our_ discretion to negotiate.”

“How long’s that going to take?”  Drautos handed him the clipboard he’d tucked under his arm, and Nyx scribbled in his Calculus Professor’s details, complete with her signature.  

“Thought you liked Mathematical Modelling.” said Drautos, brow raised.

“I said I  _didn’t mind it_.” Nyx corrected. “Drautos–”

“First rule of the Glaive: we don’t meddle in politics.” Drautos stood, shook Nyx’s hand for formality’s sake and jogged back to where the rest of the activists were chatting in a circle across the Quad.  

“And if we do,” muttered Nyx, shoving the pamphlet into his bag and pulling out  _Mathematical Models in Contact Mechanics_ , “we make sure we’re compensated for it.”

The target jogged past, headphones snug and tight in his ears.  

Blissfully unaware.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [the song the "target" is listening to](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9E1by7PocE) lolol


End file.
